Why Wax is not your Friend

It hurts to be a woman and here's proof. I received this by email, and thought I would share it. Girls get a tissue your gonna need it.

This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...

> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
>My night began as any other normal weeknight.
>Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.
>I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
>So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>It was one of those "cold wax" kits.
>No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
>No muss, no fuss.
>How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
>So I pull one of the thin strips out.
>Its two strips facing each other stuck together.
>Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)
>I lay the strip across my thigh.
>Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
>It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
>I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>With my next wax strip I move north.
>After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
>I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
>Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!...OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
>Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
>OH NO! What have I done???!!!
>Another deep breath and RRIIP!!
>Everything is swirly and spotted.
>I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
>Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
>I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
>I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
>I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
>Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
>I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
> I touch. I am touching wax. WHAT?!
>I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
>Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
>I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!!
>I hear the slamming of a cell door, *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
>I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
>What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!
>I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
>I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
>Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
>Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
>So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
>God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
>I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
>It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
>There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
>She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?"
>She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
>I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>While we go through various solutions.
>I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
>Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
>By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
>My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
>What do I really have to lose at this point?
>I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
>It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"
>I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
>I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
>So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
>Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Funny, Very Funny

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice.

And when you cooked my favorite >meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new >silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ... and your silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Discussion!!

I was listening to the radio the other day, and Allen Cross (the History of new music dude) came on with an interesting fact. He himself was shocked that the British did a pole for the Best British song of all time. To his (and my surprise) it was Wonderwall by Oasis. Now they are an OKAY band in my eyes and that song is good, but the best British song of all time?? Now he continued on with who they beat out to get this spot. It seems that the Brits like them better then John Lennon and the Beatles. It beat Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Now I beg to differ. Stairway to Heaven is a classic, who hasn't danced to this song at the end of a highschool dance and felt something? That song has been around forever and Bohemian Rhapsody come on. If you are going to spew, spew into this. Now discuss!!!

The Offical Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50º Fahrenheit (10 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.

35º Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian cars won't start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.

32º Fahrenheit (0 C)
American water freezes.
Canadian water gets thicker.

0º Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60º Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100º Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173º Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

-460º Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "Cold eh?"

-500º Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

Yummy

Matthew McConaughey

From my yummy file. I actually had nothing better to share with you all today but this. ENJOY!!!

Music Meme

I challange you, YOU, yes you.

1. What is your favourite group? The Tragically Hip

2. What is your favourite song? Good Riddance (time of your life)- Green Day

3. The one song you could never get tired of? Dancing Queen-ABBA

4. Name a song you like but would never admit to? Mandy-Barry Manilow

5. What is the most embarassing CD you own? New Kids On the Block Greatest Hits

6. Which do you prefer Michael or Janet Jackson? Janet of course

7. Your best drinking song? Anything from the Hip

8. If you could be in any band, what band would it be? The Hip

9. What is the best concert you have ever been to? Live 8

10. Who is better the Stones or the Beatles? The Beatles

11. The last CD you bought or were given? Future, Sex Love Sounds & World Container

12. What was the last song you stole? Mercedes Benz- Janis Joplin

13. If you could meet any muscian, dead or alive, who would it be? Frank Sinatra

14. The best female artist? Sarah McLachlan

15. If you could see any band 'live' past or present, who would it be? Tie Kiss & Zeppelin

16. Most annoying artist in your opinion? Shania Twain

17. Best music video? Thriller-Michael Jackson

18. Song that makes you smile-no matter what? How Bizarre

Priceless!!!

Last time on ice skates 16 years ago

Price for brand new hockey skates $59.99

Not falling on my butt the first time out at the pre-school free skate

PRICELESS.................

How Was Your Day?

Valentine's I must say was an odd day. It started with a ton and a half of snow (yeah). NO SCHOOL, bad for Daddy good for Mommy. Running late I am presented with home made cards, pictures and gifts. I got two new pair of pajamas (yahoo). Off I go, out into the cold where Husband and kids are digging me out. As I drive off I am giggling because it is a snow day and I am out of the house. Driving to work was the usual after snow fall activities. First I slide through a stop sign, got stuck behind a snow plow and then I almost got taken out by a truck all just to arrive at work 15 minutes late. Of course no one else felt the need to venture out in the snow, which made for a long day. We were bored so we bought some chocolate covered strawberies to pass the time (yummy) and watched the last minute shoppers buying their flowers and cards. Three o'clock rolls around and I am off to try and make it home in one piece. After cleaning the house, making dinner and getting ready for dance the plow comes by. I swear he was giggling when he went by. It took me 15 minutes just to shovel the end of the driveway. After homeowork and doing the dishes I am off to bed early. I would like to take a moment and revise my earlier post and say that I change my mind on the whole chocolate thing. Chocolate makes everything better. I did learn something today! While talking to a friend at work (who is single) I learned how depressing Valentine's Day can be. Valentine's is for couples but what about single people? Well my heart goes out to them. Oh ya, no secret admirers either, what crap.

Valentine's Day!

Is Valentine's a day for romance or a waste of money? I know how can a day about love be a waste of money? Every year I watch as the line of people grow as they line up to buy flowers. How can $30-$50 be justified on something that will only last for 5 days? If these same people waited until the 15th then they could get those same flowers for half price (I realize that is not the point but you get the picture). Some people insist on jewelry which is beautiful if you are into that sort of thing. Most women only have two ears, one neck, ten fingers and two wrists and most of us already have jewelry. Besides we are the ones taking the heat because we do not wear the piece enough so why bother. Now seriously what is the deal with the chocolate? Most women are trying to loose weight so is that not defeating the purpose. If you are in love and care enough then the day should simply not matter. Why should we be made to feel guilty if we do not have special plans for this date? As much as it can feel like it is a waste it can be cute and slightly romantic. CUTE, seeing my kids coming home from school all excited holding a bag full of paper valentines. CUTE, seeing an 80 year old man buying his wife (whom he has been married to for 50 years) flowers and seeing the smile on his face when he talks about his wife. ROMANTIC, if you are beginning a new relationship, trying to save an old one or finding out you have a secret admirer. Valentine's is also a good excuse to tell someone how you feel for simply no other reason. So watch out because you never know you may have a secret admirer!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Cold Enough???

It should be pretty obvious to most that it is COLD. So why is it, there is always that one person that dares to ask "Is it cold enough for ya?" If you prefer living in an igloo then the answer should be "Yes, actually it is cold enough." but until that happens just smack them and run. I realize that the cold temps are a fact of life but enough is enough. Today was actually warm by some standards, the high was -10 with the wind chill. Cold yes but compared to yesterdays temperature it was WARM I wouldn't get your shorts out yet but it was still warmer. Still no matter how much we complain someone somewhere has it worse. Barrie today has at least 2 feet of snow. Yesterday the temp was -40 with the wind chill in Saskatoon. We could be living in Florida where they are being pounded by rain and floods, or in California under snow when they probably don't even know what a ski jacket is. But there is hope that Spring will come soon enough. But keep in mind that leads to summer and that one person standing there just waiting to ask you "Is it hot enough for ya?" Again my advice just smack and run.