My NHL Experience

Slack or no slack this is my story and I am sticking to it. Last night I had the absolute pleasure of attending my first Toronto Maple Leaf game. We hired a sitter and shuffled off to Buffalo. Feeling the energy as I entered the HSBC arena dressed in my Kaberle jersey and seeing all the Maple Leaf fans was pure magic. However as we took our seats the magic was soon replaced with doubts, after all we are talking about the Maple Leafs. The end of the first period found the Leafs on the board and all the Leaf fans in our area in good spirits. The second period equally amazing, 2-0 for the Leafs but one period to go. As their record suggests the 3rd period in not their thing. Sure enough they didn't let me down. Who goes into the 3rd period up by 2 and end up tied 4-4 ? Oh ya, the Toronto Maple Leafs, that's who. Okay overtime, they start with one in the penalty box and Sundin, McCabe and Gill on the ice. What could possibly go wrong? Well with that combination A LOT. The whole game Gill did nothing so what better way to reward him then by putting in for OT. The game winning goal was scored with 3.7 seconds left on the clock. The ass kicker was that it was McCabe who scored the goal. Now if your a Sabers fan that is good news because he scored on his own net. What kind of an idiot does that? One that makes that much money should never make that mistake. Unless they change things the cup will never be theirs.
They need to rethink some key points.
-Maurice needs to give his head a shake
-McCabe needs to play like the money he is getting paid
-Gill needs to go
-They need to get some defense (except for Kaberle)
-Tucker needs to play like Tucker

Blue and White

A little behind I know I've been busy. These are a few pictures from the Blue and White game we attended September 16/2007

Finally!!!!!

I know that is has been awhile since the last bathroom update, but I have been very busy. Since I last posted the bathroom biz a lot has happened. (I so wish I could post some pics but I am having trouble uploading pics for the time being. ) I am very happy to report that my bathroom now has paint, the medicine cabinet has been installed and the lights are hung. It took us awhile but the shower is now operational and we couldn't be happier. It took us half a day to measure and cut all 5 pcs. to fit in the damn shower because the walls are not square. The other half of the day was spent gluing all 5 pcs. to the wall. After the 24 hr waiting period I taped off the walls section by section and began to caulk the seams. I was happy until I got to the last seam. You see I didn't get the tape on straight enough so I pulled it up to fix my line. It figures that when I moved the tape it pulled the panel with it. I was not impressed. So out comes the glue and another 24 hr wait. Now I am happy to report that the shower curtain is hung, and we are very happy shower people. Now on to the next task (and it is a hard one) picking out a counter top. I thought this would be easy, but OH no. Way too many choices, this could take some time.

I'm Back!!!

Thought of the Day...

Handle every situation like a dog

If you can't Eat it or Screw it..

Piss on it and Walk away!!!!

Holidays!!

Just to let you all know I am going on holidays for the next two weeks. Yeah!!!! A girls gotta have a break, right? I will be sure to blog and update on the bathroom as soon as we return from our camping trip.

Getting There!!

The walls are up and the taping & mudding have begun. The new tub is very well liked but we can not wait to try out the new shower.

Next on the list is the tub surround which should
be a challenge, after that the rest should be a piece of cake and the wall is almost ready for the medicine cabinet to be installed.

WE'RE GETTING THERE!!

A Work in Progress!

Our bathroom didn't start out all that bad. We thought it would be an easy job and I think that is where we went wrong.

This was our original tub which had been painted in the past and had since began to rust.

The mold was not nearly as bad as we thought it was going to be.

This is the fire wall that separates our house and the one we are attached to. This is the reason why we hired a plumber. We were not confident enough to try it ourselves simply for the fact that it would all be hidden once the wall went back up. It would be a lot of work to fix it ourselves if it leaked.

My Bathroom

Its really funny how one small idea can lead to so much trouble. No matter what we did nothing worked. We tore down ugly wallpaper and painted but nothing helped. One day we came up with the brilliant idea to redo our bathroom. It is really small so it was nothing to think that we could do it and it would only take about two weeks. It wasn't really that bad of an idea. Take out the old and replace it with the new. So off we go on our quest to find the items we need and of course the things that I like (at the right price). Over a couple of months we find everything that we need. We did not pay full price for anything except for the tub. Whohoo!!

So we take the time off work and begin our task. It took several trips to remove the vanity, toilet, tub and the walls. Once the mold was gone we had a clean slate. Not a problem, or so we thought. First problem was that none of the electrical was done properly. So my husband spent a whole day rewiring what was there and added a new plug. Next came changing the ceiling fan to a new bigger model. When we removed the old one we found out that it was hanging on by a thread. Not safe, I just thank God that the roof had never leaked.

Installing the tub was a task all in itself. It is really hard to install something so big especially when the floor is not level, the drain is not centered and the pipes have to be moved. This was something we did not want to try by ourselves so we called a plumber. Little did we know that was going to be a problem. The pipes are located in a hidden wall so we thought get someone else to do it right the first time and that would be that. Well the guy comes and sets us up. Buddy leaves right after for an out of town wedding so we have to call the guy on call because his weld did not take. Good news I hear, the guy can't come until Sunday (this happened Friday night). No problem lets hang drywall. Give me a power tool and look out. I am not just a pretty face I can actually do things.

It's been awhile but all the drywall is up and we are back in action. We had to take a break because of other things that had been going on. Our next task is to hand the tub surround. The problem is that the floor is not level, the tub is level and the walls are nowhere near being straight.

What next? I don't think that anything else can go wrong. I just want to give up. All I can do is thank God we have a second bathroom.

Enough!!

What is with all the comments from the peanut gallery? I mean do you all care that much, I don't think so. Is a girl not allowed to take a break? Really come on, you don't have anything better to do? God forbid I spend a little time away from the computer and get some quality time with my kids? Not really all that time away. I have been checking in but only for about 5 minutes at a time. Now that school is over and dance is done I don't have all that much free time. As bitter as I sound about all of the comments I would like to say THANK YOU for checking in from time to time.

So You Think You Know Everything

>>"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right. (Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you?)
>No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple
>>"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". (Are you doubting this?)
>Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing
>>The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. (Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)
>The words 'race car,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). (Yep, I knew you were going to "do" this one.)
>>There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous" tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)
>There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say a e i o u)
>>TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)
>A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
>>A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
>A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
>>A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)
>Almonds are a member of the peach family.
>>An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
>Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
>>February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
>In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
>>If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
>Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
>>Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!
>Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
>>The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
>The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)
>>The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
>There are more chickens than people in the world.
>>Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
>Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Now you know everything! ( : > )

Yummy

How can you stand it? Two posts in one day, I don't think I can take it. This is from my yummy file. I honestly have to try and find some yummy for the guys.

Orlando Bloom

Where are You??

Okay, its been like a month and still nothing. Well here I am again with nothing to say. Now I know in an earlier post I complained about no one reading this thing because they are too busy on facebook. I know 'poor me' well I am sorry to say that I have not posted anything in some time because I to have been too busy on facebook. I do not know what it is about that thing but I can't stay away. Its not like I have hundreds of friends, or a ton of pictures to look at but there is something about it that keeps me coming back. I do like that I have found friends that I have not talked to in years its nice to get caught up. Its nice to drop by and say 'HI' to others that I have had the pleasure of knowing through the years. Its also nice to post funny pictures of these friends, but not so nice when they post some of me. Suck it up and move on is what I always say.

So from this moment on I promise not to complain that I get no hits on my blog and I also promise to pay more attention to the laundry and less attention to facebook. Well maybe I won't promise about the facebook thing but I will try. Lets not get too drastic. Baby steps, we don't want anyone to get crazy now do we.

Just so You Know

13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one.
13. Potential Murder Suspect

Blah, Blah, Blah!

Three tiny little words that quite honestly annoy the hell out of me. I am guilty of using this expression a time or two but I go out of my way to avoid it. These words (from what I understand) are used to fill in a boring part of a conversation. Honestly if it is that boring don't tell it. I suppose it can also be used as a filler, well just don't bother to fill me in. If the conversation is not that important then do us all a favour and do not tell it. I do know some people that tend to over use this phrase and I just want to smack them. Honestly save yourself the trouble and just don't tell the story. In my opinion listening to blah, blah, blah in the middle of a story sounds like you are burping and I just don't like it.

The most annoying thing yet is I am reading a new novel by J.D.Robb and she actually used this expression in her book.

How??

Can you believe that these are the same people

Nosey or Concerned?

Yesterday, home from work and dance, weather is nice, I decide to BBQ. So in the backyard I go to cook up some baked potatoes and pork chops. After a few tries the dumb thing finally lights and I am off to the races. Here I am, armed with a spatula in one hand and the tongs in the other. The kids are throwing a ball at (I mean with) the dog between the squeals, giggles and the barking I hear the faint sounds of sirens in the distance. The sirens are getting louder so I start looking up in the air for smoke but then they stopped. I must admit that my curiosity did get the better of me and I did wonder where they could have gone. All of a sudden I look over my fence and my questions have been answered. It seems the street over from mine is the answer to my questions. From my backyard I can see a fire truck and firemen going door to door and I must admit I became NOSEY. Not having a backdoor is usually annoying but not today. I was so excited when my daughter announces that she has to go to the bathroom. So I close the BBQ and bark the rules to my son about what not to do while I walk my daughter to the front door. While I open the front door for her the gate flies open and here comes my son running like his arse is on fire yelling that he has to go (it seems that on the short 3 second walk to the front door the urge to go has struck). So as I turn to go back into the backyard I see a police cruiser flying down my street only to stop at the end to block traffic. So because I am NOSEY, I have to take a peek. So all three of us trot down to the corner to see what the crowds of people are gathering around for. Seriously, people are flocking out of their homes with pets and children and are gathering on their lawns. I see a couple walking their dog down the street and see them stop across the street to talk to some of the people gathered. Of course I strain to listen, and to my NOSEY surprise I learn that there is a gas leak. That is right I said a GAS LEAK. So, now I am CONCERNED I turn my kids around and head back home. CONCERNED because I have my kids so close to a dangerous situation and because I am BBQing three houses away. Once we are all sitting down to eat and my kids are asking a million questions. So I started to think, the pregnant women with the two other kids, NOSEY. The elderly couple with the cute dog, CONCERNED. People need to get their priorities in check. I mean its a GAS LEAK not a cute kitten stuck in a tree.

Lyrics of the Day!!

Just because it's hump day and I am feeling alittle silly, this one is for the guys.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!!

"Her lies they won me over quick
She ruled my mind, my heart, my dick
I took the line, the hook, the bait
And now I'm sick from what I ate."
-The Trews

Women Are Evil By Nature

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard."Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied."Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running
her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender." Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the flustered bartender managed to stammer.
"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.

Lyric of the Day!!

"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been.........."
-Rascal Flatts

Lyric of the Day!!

Because it is not only Friday but Friday the 13th It seemed this one was fitting,

"Let's set sail with Captain Morgan and never leave dry land"
-Garth Brooks

Lyric of Today

Because I have been so down lately, this seemed fitting

"Don't ya wish you were dead like me?"

What Next?

I know I already posted something today but I actually have something else to say. Before I was introduced to this blog thing I had no idea what it was. I was asked to view my cousins and thought it was interesting. So, I gave into the pressure and started thinking up things to post. It was pretty good until one day I got this email to join facebook. So, I joined the fun and signed into facebook. Now I am stuck with the realization that no one views this damn thing anymore. Everyone is so busy with their facebook. I give up. What will they think up next.

I Like This One

I don't really have anything else to say today except my friend took this photo of me at a bar on Friday night and I like it.

GO DEVILS!!!!

Happy Easter !!!
So one more game left before the play offs begin and it is going to be a nail bitter. As a Leafs fan I watched last nights game on the edge of my seat. To my ultimate happiness and surprise the Leaf won in regulation. Now with the standings so close the Devils MUST win today hands down. So as the game begins at 3:30 this afternoon I will be sitting on my couch with my fingers corssed. Taken from the mouth of a very dear friend MAPLE LEAFS FOREVER (I hope).

Why????

Just the other day I was watching some TV and because there was not much on I was channel surfing and I noticed something that made me say Why? Now the average TV show has a lot of good looking or interesting people. Lets take the O.C.now there were some good looking people. CSI has a good mixture of both and so did Friends. The movies if you are not good looking they can make you and if you are then they can make you ugly. Whatever the part calls for. Magazines usually have good looking people as well. Lets face it people sex sells and for whatever reason if you are skinny and pretty you have it made. Most of the famous actors and actresses are pretty darn good looking so why is it that famous music people are ugly? Why is it that beauty sells everything else but ugly sells music? Here is my point, Mick Jagger. Now that Grandpa can sing and dance. He has been rocking out his heart for a hundred years, but have you seen his face? Kiss, in the seventies were pretty wicked. The make-up put them in a class of there own. They rocked out for years but once the make up came off OMG Gene is ugly. I realize that when people age they loose something but come on. Elvis was once hot and then he got fat. Frank Sinatra (now he can sing, I love Frank) also lost something when he aged. So what does one say about Nichelback? They sound good, they are at the top of the charts, every song off their last album if a hit, so what if with the face? That guy, something happened. And what makes it worse is that his brother is in the band and he doesn't look that bad. OMG buddy you are rich do something. Now I realize some girls have things for band guys but do they ever open their eyes? I find band guys somewhat sexy as well but I also take note of the face. I am the first to note I am not a looker but come on. Draw the line somewhere people.
Now I know I may have pissed some people off with my little rant but this is my blog. If you think he is sexy go right ahead, I'm just clearing the thought out of my head. Oh ya here's one more Keith Richards.
Okay I am done.

Lyric of the Day

"There is only one person I have ever loved and that was so many years ago"
-Meat Loaf

SCOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!

The Leafs win in overtime. I realize that there is now way in HELL that they should have been in that position. You lead in points that early in the game, you should win it. They faded big time in the third period and that is just plain sad. Now matter how you look at it, it should have never gone into overtime. All other aspects aside, KABERLE scored the winning goal. Yahoo. I guess I did have something to say today after all.

Something New

Okay I guess its obvious that I have had nothing to say for awhile. Unusual for me I know. No funny jokes to tell, no pictures to post, NOTHING. So I am going to try something new. In the event that I find myself at a loss for words I will post a quote. Well not necessarily a quote but an interesting line from a song that I know (similar to what I post on my messanger, but here I have more room). I do know a lot of song but am not the first to know who is singing them. So if by any means I get something wrong please feel free to leave a comment. I am apologizing in advance for any incorrect information. The lines may not be earth shattering and they may not mean a lot to you but I find a connection with almost all of them and I do enjoy them. So here goes the first enjoy,

"How'd it get this late so early?" -Gord Downie (The Hip)

How was your weekend??

Friday and Saturday my daughter danced in her first competition for the year. Not really feeling like they were ready I was a little unsure of the out come. For jazz they were awarded a special judges ribbon for most promising and came in first place and received a mark of high silver. Saturday was tap, which they got first place again but scored gold. Not bad for the first competition.

Sunday morning the house was a buzz with activity. Today we headed to Cambridge to meet the one and only Darcy Tucker, my daughters favourite player. We waited in line for 2 and half hours along with 400 hundred people. It was so worth it to see the look on her face when he called her sweetie. My weekend was amazing how was yours?

Kaberle Back?

Injured Toronto Maple Leafs defenceman Tomas Kaberle participated in his first full practice in two and a half weeks on Monday and could return to action against the New Jersey Devils Tuesday night.

The 29-year-old Kaberle, Toronto's best defenceman this season, has been sidelined with a concussion since suffering a late hit from Devils forward Cam Janssen on March 2.

The NHL slapped Janssen with a three-game suspension for his hit on Kaberle, although no penalty was assessed on the play by referees Kelly Sutherland and Brad Watson.

The Leafs will make a decision Tuesday morning on whether Kaberle will make his return later that evening when Toronto hosts New Jersey.

The Czech Republic blue-liner was non-committal about his possible return date.
"I'll be playing soon," said Kaberle, who is third on the team in scoring with 49 points. "The headaches are gone."

The Leafs have gone 3-3-1 in the seven games without their top blue-liner, who was paired with Wade Belak during Monday's practice.

"It's good to have him back on the ice," said coach Paul Maurice. "We need what he has to offer.
"Knowing that he's close is a good lift for our team."

Even if Kaberle plays, Janssen expects to receive a rude reception form Leafs fans Tuesday night.

"You can't let it get to you," Janssen told the Newark Star Ledger over the weekend. "This is going to happen my whole career. I just have to deal with it and play my game."

St. Patrick's Day!!

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY, and top o the mornin to ya.

In celebration of this fine holiday let me just share with you a little irish yummy.

Sorry guys not much for ya'll to look at but have a great day anyway.

Bad Sylvester!!

Sylvester Stallone has been charged with illegally taking a performance enhancing drug into Australia.

The 'Rocky' star was not present when he received the charge of importing a banned substance in a Sydney court today (13.03.07).
The case was adjourned until April 24 when the 60-year-old's legal representatives will be asked to enter a plea.

Stallone and his entourage were stopped at Sydney airport on February 16 when they flew in to promote his latest film 'Rocky Balboa'.

Members of the party were found to be carrying vials of muscle enhancing Human Growth Hormone which was seized by authorities.

Human Growth Hormone can't be imported to Australia without a permit from the Therapeutic Goods Administration.
The actor's hotel room and private jet were searched on February 19, before he was permitted to leave the country.

The maximum penalty for illegally importing the growth hormone into Australia is a fine of $100,000 and five years in prison.
The 'Rambo' star is unlikely to face the maximum penalty, but could receive a heavy fine.

Enough Already

A reminder to some that this Sunday is daylight savings time which means spring is around the corner, or so it used to. How honestly can this event be moved? Who does that? Now all it means is that it is cold and we lose an hours sleep, in short that means people (me included) are going to be crabby, or as I like to call it B-I-T-C-H-Y. Just to make you all aware I have held the title of Queen b*tch for the past week. I think I have been rude to or have told off every person that I know. I hold this crown because I did this in person, over the phone, via e-mail and also via text message. But who can blame me, this weather is not helping. I am not one to complain about the temperature but it is cold. I WANT SUMMER, even thought the looming thought of my arse in shorts scares me, and the thought of a bathing suit makes me want to hurl. All I want is to sit in my backyard on my lounger, with the sun shining and a book in one hand and a cold Bud in the other, is that too much to ask? Will this ever happen again? Here is a picture from our trip to the beach last summer to bring happy thoughts to everyone.

Tribute from Yummy!!

Welcome to another edition from my YUMMY file. Today is a special tribute to my favourite Maple Leaf, #15 Tomas Kaberle who was taken out of yesterdays game with a hit by Cam Janssen. Kaberle was knocked unconscious after being knocked down and heading head first into the boards during the second period. The Leafs took the game in the 5th round of the shoot out with a total of 4-3 over the New Jersey Devils. Cam Janssen was suspended for 3 games, Yeah.

Unfortunately the leafs lost tonight against the Buffalo Sabres.


YUMMY!!!!!

Go Leafs, Go

Happy Friday!!!

Hope you like this from Larry the Cable Guy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDbqmAuGJ3k

Why Wax is not your Friend

It hurts to be a woman and here's proof. I received this by email, and thought I would share it. Girls get a tissue your gonna need it.

This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...

> All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
>My night began as any other normal weeknight.
>Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids.
>I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
>So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>It was one of those "cold wax" kits.
>No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
>No muss, no fuss.
>How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
>So I pull one of the thin strips out.
>Its two strips facing each other stuck together.
>Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!)
>I lay the strip across my thigh.
>Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
>It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
>I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
>With my next wax strip I move north.
>After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
>I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
>Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
>I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!...OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
>Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
>OH NO! What have I done???!!!
>Another deep breath and RRIIP!!
>Everything is swirly and spotted.
>I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
>Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
>I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
>I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
>I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
>Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
>I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
> I touch. I am touching wax. WHAT?!
>I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
>Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
>I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!!
>I hear the slamming of a cell door, *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!
>I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
>What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!
>I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
>I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
>Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
>Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
>So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
>God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
>I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
>It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
>There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
>She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?"
>She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
>I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>While we go through various solutions.
>I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
>Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
>By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
>My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
>What do I really have to lose at this point?
>I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
>The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.
>It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"
>I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
>I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
>So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
>Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>Next week I'm going to try hair color.....

Funny, Very Funny

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice.

And when you cooked my favorite >meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new >silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning ... and your silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

So take care.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

Discussion!!

I was listening to the radio the other day, and Allen Cross (the History of new music dude) came on with an interesting fact. He himself was shocked that the British did a pole for the Best British song of all time. To his (and my surprise) it was Wonderwall by Oasis. Now they are an OKAY band in my eyes and that song is good, but the best British song of all time?? Now he continued on with who they beat out to get this spot. It seems that the Brits like them better then John Lennon and the Beatles. It beat Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Now I beg to differ. Stairway to Heaven is a classic, who hasn't danced to this song at the end of a highschool dance and felt something? That song has been around forever and Bohemian Rhapsody come on. If you are going to spew, spew into this. Now discuss!!!

The Offical Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50º Fahrenheit (10 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians plant gardens.

35º Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian cars won't start.
Canadians drive with the windows down.

32º Fahrenheit (0 C)
American water freezes.
Canadian water gets thicker.

0º Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60º Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100º Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173º Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

-460º Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "Cold eh?"

-500º Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.

Yummy

Matthew McConaughey

From my yummy file. I actually had nothing better to share with you all today but this. ENJOY!!!

Music Meme

I challange you, YOU, yes you.

1. What is your favourite group? The Tragically Hip

2. What is your favourite song? Good Riddance (time of your life)- Green Day

3. The one song you could never get tired of? Dancing Queen-ABBA

4. Name a song you like but would never admit to? Mandy-Barry Manilow

5. What is the most embarassing CD you own? New Kids On the Block Greatest Hits

6. Which do you prefer Michael or Janet Jackson? Janet of course

7. Your best drinking song? Anything from the Hip

8. If you could be in any band, what band would it be? The Hip

9. What is the best concert you have ever been to? Live 8

10. Who is better the Stones or the Beatles? The Beatles

11. The last CD you bought or were given? Future, Sex Love Sounds & World Container

12. What was the last song you stole? Mercedes Benz- Janis Joplin

13. If you could meet any muscian, dead or alive, who would it be? Frank Sinatra

14. The best female artist? Sarah McLachlan

15. If you could see any band 'live' past or present, who would it be? Tie Kiss & Zeppelin

16. Most annoying artist in your opinion? Shania Twain

17. Best music video? Thriller-Michael Jackson

18. Song that makes you smile-no matter what? How Bizarre

Priceless!!!

Last time on ice skates 16 years ago

Price for brand new hockey skates $59.99

Not falling on my butt the first time out at the pre-school free skate

PRICELESS.................

How Was Your Day?

Valentine's I must say was an odd day. It started with a ton and a half of snow (yeah). NO SCHOOL, bad for Daddy good for Mommy. Running late I am presented with home made cards, pictures and gifts. I got two new pair of pajamas (yahoo). Off I go, out into the cold where Husband and kids are digging me out. As I drive off I am giggling because it is a snow day and I am out of the house. Driving to work was the usual after snow fall activities. First I slide through a stop sign, got stuck behind a snow plow and then I almost got taken out by a truck all just to arrive at work 15 minutes late. Of course no one else felt the need to venture out in the snow, which made for a long day. We were bored so we bought some chocolate covered strawberies to pass the time (yummy) and watched the last minute shoppers buying their flowers and cards. Three o'clock rolls around and I am off to try and make it home in one piece. After cleaning the house, making dinner and getting ready for dance the plow comes by. I swear he was giggling when he went by. It took me 15 minutes just to shovel the end of the driveway. After homeowork and doing the dishes I am off to bed early. I would like to take a moment and revise my earlier post and say that I change my mind on the whole chocolate thing. Chocolate makes everything better. I did learn something today! While talking to a friend at work (who is single) I learned how depressing Valentine's Day can be. Valentine's is for couples but what about single people? Well my heart goes out to them. Oh ya, no secret admirers either, what crap.

Valentine's Day!

Is Valentine's a day for romance or a waste of money? I know how can a day about love be a waste of money? Every year I watch as the line of people grow as they line up to buy flowers. How can $30-$50 be justified on something that will only last for 5 days? If these same people waited until the 15th then they could get those same flowers for half price (I realize that is not the point but you get the picture). Some people insist on jewelry which is beautiful if you are into that sort of thing. Most women only have two ears, one neck, ten fingers and two wrists and most of us already have jewelry. Besides we are the ones taking the heat because we do not wear the piece enough so why bother. Now seriously what is the deal with the chocolate? Most women are trying to loose weight so is that not defeating the purpose. If you are in love and care enough then the day should simply not matter. Why should we be made to feel guilty if we do not have special plans for this date? As much as it can feel like it is a waste it can be cute and slightly romantic. CUTE, seeing my kids coming home from school all excited holding a bag full of paper valentines. CUTE, seeing an 80 year old man buying his wife (whom he has been married to for 50 years) flowers and seeing the smile on his face when he talks about his wife. ROMANTIC, if you are beginning a new relationship, trying to save an old one or finding out you have a secret admirer. Valentine's is also a good excuse to tell someone how you feel for simply no other reason. So watch out because you never know you may have a secret admirer!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

Cold Enough???

It should be pretty obvious to most that it is COLD. So why is it, there is always that one person that dares to ask "Is it cold enough for ya?" If you prefer living in an igloo then the answer should be "Yes, actually it is cold enough." but until that happens just smack them and run. I realize that the cold temps are a fact of life but enough is enough. Today was actually warm by some standards, the high was -10 with the wind chill. Cold yes but compared to yesterdays temperature it was WARM I wouldn't get your shorts out yet but it was still warmer. Still no matter how much we complain someone somewhere has it worse. Barrie today has at least 2 feet of snow. Yesterday the temp was -40 with the wind chill in Saskatoon. We could be living in Florida where they are being pounded by rain and floods, or in California under snow when they probably don't even know what a ski jacket is. But there is hope that Spring will come soon enough. But keep in mind that leads to summer and that one person standing there just waiting to ask you "Is it hot enough for ya?" Again my advice just smack and run.

Yummy!!

I actually had nothing else to say so I thought I would share with you something from my Yummy file.

This here is Billy Lane from Chopper's Inc. He is an exceptional bike builder. He actually hammers out his own gas tanks and is a master welder. On our trip to Florida in 2005 we actaully stopped by the shop in Melborne, to check it out. Unfortunatly we missed him by one hour because I wanted to stop at K-Mart (my bad). Better luck next time. We did get to see some of his work and if we had $30,000 we could have brought home the bike of my dreams (keep in mind that price was for a USED custom chopper). I do suppose that one should learn to ride a bike before one owns a bike, and that is my goal for this summer. Now that should make for some good conversation.

One Flaw In Women

To all the women in my life, simply read and enjoy and to all the men in my life, sit-up, pay attention and for God sake take notes.

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up for injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer whey they believe there is a better solution.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a women is what makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
**However, if there is one flaw in women,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH

Really Bad Joke :o(

Hockey In Alberta

Two boys are playing hockey on a frozen pond in Red Deer, Alberta, when one of the boys is suddenly attacked by a crazed Rottweiler.
Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, shoves it under the dogs collar, twists it, and breaks the dog's neck, saving his friend.
A reporter is strolling by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Young Flames Fan Saves Friend From Viscious Animal" he starts writing in his book.
"But I am not a Flames fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry, but as we are in Alberta, I just assumed you were," says the reporter and he starts writing again.
"Oilers Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack" he writes in his notebook.
"I am not an Oilers fan either," the little boy says.
"Oh, I assumed that everyone in Alberta was either for the Flames or the Oilers. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I am a Maple Leaf fan," the boy replies.
The reporter starts a new page in his notebook and writes,
"Little Bastard from Ontario Kills Beloved Family Pet!"

However I can Get It!!

A week before Christmas here I am working an eight hour shift, after four hours of sleep. One hour left in my shift and I am out straighting up the shelves and attempting to place an order. I am crouched on the floor fixing the Pepto Bismol when I hear this voice from behind say "Wow, that looks beautiful." So I turn and look up and say "Thanks." To my surprise he responds "Your beautiful too." So being the girl that I am, I blush and say "Thanks." To my astonishment he responds "That brings me to my next question, Where is the Vaseline?" As I am showing him to the isle where the Vaseline is kept, he drops the bananas he is carrying and says to me "You made me so nervous I dropped my bananas." As I am walking back to the pharmacy all I can do is shake my head. The girl I was working with (who over heard the whole conversation) just stood there looking at me and said "Did he just say what I think he said" Yep he did. On his way back he smiled and giggled. I guess I should take the compliment however I can get it. Yesterday at work it happened again. The first happened as one of our customers was talking about how everyone gives him grief except for me. I smiled and said "That is because I am the strong silent type." Truth is the guy is an ass and I don't like him. He then says "Well sexy, that means we would make a great pair because I am loud. They do say opposites attract." True enough, but it was a compliment I guess. Next, as I am putting the order away I see this cart coming straight for me, which stops inches from me leg. As I turn to give the guy the what for I see this 80 year old winking at me. He asks for the Tylenol and then tells me that he wants me to ring him through. After I hand him the bag he winks at me and says "Have a nice day honey" Now today I am at work and decide to wear my hair down (which is not aloud but I am a rebel). After a couple of hours I am ready to pull it out so up to the bathroom I go to put it up. As I am walking back down I pass the dairy manager who is nice but at the same time creepy, but is staring at me. In passing he says to me "Decided to put your hair up did ya" I guess it was that obvious!!!! " Well I thought it looked better down" Now my friend said it could have been a compliment or the simple fact that he is on the health and safety comity but I will take what I can get. It just makes me wonder what is going to happen tomorrow? And why are the men giving me the compliments over the age of forty? I guess I should just shut my mouth and take the compliments however I can get them.

Game Night!!

For years I have endured many conversations with friends about hockey. Blah, blah, blah. Maple Leafs this, Habs that, Rangers are the best, my only response was 'Whatever'. Growing up hockey was not a big deal. Yes I played street hockey with the boys down the street but who didn't . The only sports that meant anything to me growing up were track and of course the Olympics. Dated a football player in highschool but that was it. After that came the friends and all the hockey. I did travel all the way to Montreal to watch the Habs in the Forum but could care less. Now I am proud to say that I am on board with this hockey thing. I mean really into this thing, never miss a game, text the scores to husband at work, and listen to the radio if I am not around a T.V. (station programmed in the radio in the van). I gotta say though that this Leafs TV channel is quite the thing. I will wait for a moment for those of you that do know me well to process all of this before I go on..............................Okay the next bomb to drop to the delight of some and the disappointment of others (sorry Belanger) I am proud to say that I am a Leafs fan.
SCORE.........Leafs just scored to make it 3-2 over Tampa Bay with 4 minutes left in the 3rd. I know that they are not the best but hey, ya gotta start somewhere, right? I missed out on a couple of Leafs tickets (SCCCORE) golds and 16 rows up from the ice. :o( Better luck next time. It seems I am the one to blame for the hockey fever in my house now. Everyone has just bought new skates and I have taught my 3 year old how to drop his gloves. Cute. Just to keep you all up to date Leafs 4 Tampa Bay 2. Stay tuned for the skating update. I have not been on skates is years but I just got a new pair of skates and we are off to the rink on Monday. Should be fun and not at all embarrassing. We are going attempt to teach our son to skate. Just to inform for those who care my fave players are not the usual suspects. Andrew Raycroft is an awesome goalie but my fave is #15 Kaberle. He is in the top 5 in defense for the Leafs , not much of a public speaker and very yummy. Something funny my daughter is in love with Tucker because he likes to fight.

Happy New Year !!!!

I realize that these wishes are a little late, but better late then then never I always say. I do hope that everyone had a safe and wonderful New Years Eve. As I have grown a little older I have come to the conclusion that New Year's Eve is not as fun as it used to be. When I was younger (before I got married) it seemed that before Christmas we always had plans for New Years. Everyone always knew what they were gonna do, where they were gonna do it and who they were gonna do it with. This year we did not have plans until the afternoon before and even then I was not sure because I had to work. I remember New Years Past hanging out at someone's house with as many friends as we could gather. I remember drinking a few (or a couple more), playing cards, listening to music, playing hide and seek, snowball fights and just having fun waiting until midnight. Once midnight hit there would be cheers, kissing, hugging, a couple tears, calls home to the folks and someone stripping down to their knickers and running up and down the street yelling. Ah, the good old days. Once that was all out of the way the only task left was to find a quite spot out of the way to crash (pass out) and wait until morning and the fog to lift. This year I tried to relive the magic. I worked until 4pm then headed home to have a couple shots, pick out some CDs, laod the kids into the van and we all headed off to our friends. A party we did have. There were drinks, tears, walks in the rain (with the dog of course), watching the kids play, listening to music, playing the Disney scene it game and then it happened. I can honestly say that this is the first New Years for this to happen to me. Please keep in mind that I was once the so called life of the party and recapturing that title is hard work. Please keep in mind that I really do not look this bad on a regular basis, this was not one of my finer moments and please remove young people from the room before viewing the following.
Like I said not my finest moment, but hey. Just to let you all know this picture was taken at 11:15pm. Sad, I know. For those of you wondering yes this is my new Toronto Maple Leafs shirt that I got for Christmas